The Potty Pals
by Lo And Behold
Summary: Draco goes into the bathroom after taking an antacid mistaken for a mint. Harry Potter just happened to be in there also. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong people and wrong thoughts. This story is pretty racy, but not enough to be R. Just a warning..
1. Wrong place, wrong time Wrong zippers

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Authors note: Please review. This is my first humor story. 

Draco Malfoy was never one for words. That is, unless he was ridiculing The-Boy-Who-Won't-Die, The King of all Keepers, and Mud Blood Granger. Oh, that infamous smirk would creep across his face as the slinky shine of an eclipse would flutter for a few moments before utter darkness. Other than that, Draco was never really much of a talker. He would sneer and nod, seductively wink and deny, but when asked a question, never would he answer right away.

Crabbe and Goyle weren't exactly people who would ask questions anyhow. Draco swore they spoke in grunts, or that mouth-full-o'-food speech that only those two seemed to understand. 

Malfoys were completely and utterly independent and enjoyed their quiet time. He had gotten his own private room, since he was a prefect…but that wasn't enough. House elves seemed to love to appear in his room at the most annoying times. Say, when he was doing his business underneath the covers. One time, Draco had found a mint on his pillow and found it to be one of the Weasel Twin's newest inventions. _Apple flavored Antacid Extraordinares.. _Draco had found it best to look for a bath room every 5 minutes. 

It had happened during potions. 

__

Growl..Growl..

Draco looked up from his bubbling cauldron, which had a squeamish green like substance with a murky brown tint to it. Granger's looked the same so he guessed he was doing okay for now.

__

'Leave the potion to simmer for exactly 10 minutes and 34.5453258 seconds.' the board read.

Draco sat down, trying to ignore the growling sound coming from somewhere near in the classroom. His buttocks rested casually on the chair, when he felt a sharp pang in his stomach.

"Ah!" he cried out, clutching onto his stomach.

"Is there anything wrong, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape said, crossing his arms in a sweep of black. "Pray tell, is there any _business _to be taken care of?"

A few people snickered, and a red headed little git laughed out loud. Crabbe and Goyle guffawed too, clearly indicating that they had no idea what was going on.

Snape stared daggers at Ron Weasley, until he shut up and buried his ugly face into the potion, undoubtedly trying to stifle his laughter. OR trying to get high off a certain healing potion made of harmless herbs.

"Professor," Draco said weakly, trying to get very little attention from the others. "Can I please be excused to the restroom?"

"Certainly," Snape said with a slight smirk, "You have 8 minutes and 14.63423 seconds." 

Draco nodded and then headed out the door calmly. A few people turned around to see if he really needed to go to the bathroom that urgently, but Draco didn't appear it. He was calm, and sending a few smirks here and there in a pattern. _Smirk. Sneer. Smirk. Sneer. Smirk. Sneer. Smirk. Sneer._

Draco walked out of the potions class, and once the door closed behind him, he grabbed a hold of his bottom and ran as fast as he could to the boys lavatory. Luckily, it was nearby and he sat down on the toilet seat, moaning in pain. _That mint was an antacid. HE WOULD GET REVENGE. A MALFOY NE'ER LEAVES WITHOUT A MARK..MWAHA-_

"Malfoy?" 

Draco looked up from the post stare he was giving his shoes, imaging each of them to be the face of Fred or George Weasley, as he stamped them again and again. He didn't know anyone else was in the bathroom and immediately blushed. 

"Who's there?" Draco spat, evidently trying to hide his humiliation.

"It's..Harry." Came the voice, "What are you doing in there? Why are you moaning..you're not ma--"

__

'Potter?' Draco thought, and then realized that Harry was never in the potions class to begin with.

He cursed under his breath. _What to say, what to do. _

"What do you think I'm doing?" Draco said after about 5 minutes, flushing the toilet and opening the door. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Harry smirked, "Draco Malfoy. Not only an amazing bouncing ferret, but one with indigestion."

"Oh shut it," Draco said snidely. "For your information, Those weasel twins gave me an antacid."

Draco fumbled with his trousers, trying to zip the clasp up, but it was practically jammed into the beige fabric of his pants.

"What are you doing?" Harry said again, watching him intently.

"You're one for obvious point outs," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "My zipper won't zip."

"Oh," Harry said.

Draco yelled out in frustration and kicked the stall door. It swung back and hit him square in the forehead.

"Ow," Draco said. Like I said before, he isn't much for words. "What're you doing in here anyway?"

"I was..um. Sitting in the stall. Reading, yes. Reading. When I heard you come in."

"Reading?" Draco asked suspiciously, "What were you reading?"

Harry blushed as he reached into the pocket of his robes and clashed his hand around a copy of _PlayWitch. _

"The-Boy-Who-Lived has some sexual fantasies, maybe?"

Harry flushed a deep crimson, and then rolled his eyes, trying to make himself look cool and suave.

"Here, let me help you with your zipper."

"NO. DON'T TOUCH ME DOWN THERE, POTTER."

But it was too late, Harry got on his knees and was fumbling around with his zipper.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Draco yelled out.

"Draco," said a voice from in front of the boys lavatory. It was Crabbe.

"Draco, Um.. Professor Snape says that it's been over and 14.6--"

The door swung open and there stood Crabbe, wide eyed and staring at the two. Harry Potter was on his knees, putting his hand on top of Dracos pants. Draco was screaming bloody murder.

"C-Crabbe?" Harry said. "This isn't what it seems.."

"Pray tell, Mr. Crabbe," Said a drawling voice, "Must you scream in the hallways--POTTER?!"

"Professor Snape, Neville's potion is burning everyone's bloody skin off--HARRY?!"

"Hermione, wait up. You need to fix my cauldron, half of it's melted off--MALFOY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Professor Snape, my potion killed everyone in class--Hey Harry..Hi Malfoy."

"Duh..My skin hurts..yeah. HI DRACO, WANT ME TO BEAT UP POTTY?" 

"Professor Snape, I assure you. Your potions students need not be running amuck in the hallways--POTTER. GET UP THIS INSTANT."

"Where's my Drakey..Drakey..Where are you? You promised me next time you'd..DRAKEY?!"

And pretty soon, about 15 people were gathered in a large mass in front of the boys lavatory. Harry stood still, and Draco froze. Everyone was staring at the two. _Why does everything occur in the wrong place, in the wrong time, and with the wrong people, ALL THE TIME?! _Draco screamed inside his head. The people gathered along at the door way were also frozen like wax figures. Partially from shock, upon revealing the two most unlikely students together. And partially because many of the students were numb from the pain from Neville's potion. In unison, the mob of people screamed out. The lavatory was a mass of words. 

"HOW DARE YOU--MAYBE YOU SHOULD--FILTHY--DISGUSTING REALLY--WHY NOT MEEEEEE--WHAT ARE YOU DOING--And a prefect too--IS THIS A JOKE--WHY NOT MEEE--If I remember correctly, you said you were going to the lavatory, Mr. Malfoy--"

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Authors note: Next chapter soon. 


	2. Deny Once, Twice, Thrice and Again

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I don't own Harry Potter. Else I would be bloody rich and not making this fan fiction for free. 

Authors note: Thank you for reviewing, is practically made my day.

Princess-Perfect: Thank so you so much. I'm glad that you found it funny.

arrow-card: I'll just wonder if you really did _laugh your ass off._

Princessflowerchild: I'm glad you liked it. :D And I will write more, not to worry.

Nymph of the Uruwera: Blush. So many people like it. I will write more, thanks. 

Draco froze, not knowing exactly what to say. The 15-20 people stood gathered around the boys lavatory entrance, all wide eyed and staring. However, Crabbe and Goyle seemed to be staring out of the window, watching the pretty blue birds fly. Bucktoothedbeaver and CarrotTopJerk, on the other hand, looked just about to faint. 

"W-we're not doing anything," Harry stuttered. "This isn't..what..maybe. You're all just jealous, I mean. Gone. I mean..Draco?" 

"Guilty..conscience, Mr. Potter?" Snape sneered. "Care to remove your hands off of Mr. Malfoys…trousers?"

Ron stared at Harry's hand, which was placed on top of Draco's zipper. His eyes widened and a small shriek escaped his mouth. With rolling eyes, he slung a hand over his forehead and fainted into Hermiones arms. Hermione looked at Ron with exasperation, and dropped him with a **thud **onto the tiled floor.

"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said sourly, pursing her lips. "Please come into my office."

The children separated into two rows so that they could pass. Draco started to walk, when he noticed that Brat Potter still had his hand attached to his own pants.

"Potter," Draco said sharply. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"I can't move my hand," Harry said weakly, avoiding eye contact from the others. "My sleeve is caught on to your zipper."

The crowd bursts into laughter as Draco rolled his eyes. 

"Leave it to a loser to lock himself onto my crotch."

"HEY," Pansy shrieked, turning up her pug nose. "I'm not a loser and I've.."

Draco shot her a warning glance. He didn't need Pansy to make matters worse, even if what she said was true. 

Draco walked forward, ignoring the hand that attached onto his zipper. Harry crawled on the floor with the remaining three useful limbs, and blushed as the other students pointed and smirked.

They walked down two hallways to get to Professor McGonagalls office, and by that time, Harry had bruises on his elbows and knees. The children had followed too, but it was quite obvious they were trying to make it look natural. The 15 or so students would run when they had their backs turn, and when Draco turned around, they leaned against the wall, whistling. Crabbe and Goyle were still in the lavatory, looking out the window. Ron was there also, laying on the floor. 

Professor McGonagall closed the door behind her, and Snape also walked in. 

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM HERE," He yelled out of the door. 

He then put a silencing charm around the room.

"First off," Snape said angrily. "10 points from _Slytherin _for getting caught with _him. _One million points from Gryffindor for touching Mr. Malfoy."

Harry turned to McGonagall, a pleading look stretching across those ugly green eyes. But there was no mercy in her face, only shame and more shame.

"I can't believe I caught them together," She said angrily, "How DARE you even come within an inch of his..his..zipper."

"Honestly," Harry squeaked. "His zipper was stuck so I tried to help him."

Draco nodded furiously, watching Harry's hand bob up and down.

Professor McGonagall muttered something underneath her breath and Harry pulled his arm away. He was free at last. Draco was free.

"Mr. Potter, you will receive 15.24 months of detention. It will carry on until next year," Snape said. "Mr. Malfoy, your punishment is to never, ever go to the bathroom during Potions class."

"PROFESSOR!" Harry said, "Fifteen point whaatsit months?!"

"You heard me, Mr. Potter," Snape drawled. "Or do you need your ears cleaned out almost as much as your mind?"

"PROFESSOR!" Draco cried, jumping up and down.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

"But what if I have to go to the bathroom during Potions?"

"Ah. You are correct, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said. "That punishment is too harsh. So no harm done."

"Severus, I believe it is my turn to talk." McGonagall said bitterly.

"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, the truth is. There is nothing wrong with a homosexual relationship."

"I'M NOT GAY." Harry and Draco cried.

"Of course you are," she said. 

"Yes, yes." Snape said with a flick of his greasy hair. "I've known Harry was gay for 25.5532 years."

"What is it with you and decimals?!" Harry cried. "I haven't even been alive for that long--" 

"See? You see? Only a homosexual man would complain about decimals."

Snape, of course was very unfair to Harry. He knew that decimals had nothing to do with a mans sexuality, everyone knows that. But of course, Snape is Snape, always will be Snape and currently is Snape. also. So Snape obviously had to do something about this madness.

Draco yawned., blinking and staring forward. 

"You see? Only a real man would yawn such as that," Snape said, yawning.

Harry forced a yawn, mimicking exactly what Draco had done, but only received a very filthy, greasy look from Snape.

Outside, Draco could already hear his peers whispering. 

What would father say when he finds out? 

'If,' Draco assured himself. 'If he finds out..'

"Oh yes," McGonagall said. "Wehavemailedalettertoeachofyourguardianssincethisincident"

Draco collapsed onto the floor. 

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	3. Letter from Lucius, Meeting with Morons

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Authors note: Please review and I will forever be in your debt.

Vaderisgod-Thank you so much for reviewing. :D Hah. Lucius the death eater getting a letter from Hogwarts sounds good to me!

Princessflowerchild: Glad you liked it. :D Wow. Second time reviewing. :O 

__

I don't own HP. Else I would be famous and not making petty, boring ol' fictions such as..The Potty Pals. 

Draco Malfoy sat up on a stiff, white bed and looked around. _What am I doing in the infirmary? _Draco blinked, trying to remember what had happened the day before. It was something huge, he remembered. Else he wouldn't have a pounding headache and the need to sneer at everyone in his view. The sky was a melting pot of gray and silver outside, he watched the raindrops fall towards the ground and then suddenly remembered. 

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, FU-" 

He jumped up from the bed, wearing a hospital suit, it was white and had no legs. His mind was going wild. _I remember now! THAT POTTER. I WILL RIP HIM TO SHREDS._

"Mr. Malfoy," burned a voice from behind him. "Are you going anywhere? Perhaps another antacid has been slipped into your naïve mouth? Maybe even to finish that potions homework you were supposed to hand in 151.531 days ago?"

"Professor Snape," Draco acknowledged. "Do you mind telling me what I'm doing here?"

"You were brought here after you fainted **--"I DID NOT FAINT. I collapsed. Only girls faint.."-- **you fainted in Professor McGonagalls office. It had happened right after I informed you of the fact that an owl has reached your father, so that he may also share the knowledge of your acts with Potter."

Draco collapsed onto the bed, making a squeaky springing noise that echoed in the silence.

"Yeah?" sneered Draco, trying to make cool of the red blotches forming on his milky complexion. "Where's Potta' now?"

"He's in his room speaking to his…friends." Snape said. "If he isn't already taking them by their hands and--"

"PROFESSOR," Draco said, interrupting him. He pointed to the window where a large owl stood. It was completely black with a sharp, pointed beak. Around it's leg was a rope and on the rope was a chain and on the chain there was a pipe and on the pipe there were matches on the matches there was a chain and on the chain there was a rope and on the rope there was small, tiny little letter. 

Draco raised his eyebrows curiously.

"Care to explain to me the rope-chain-pipe sequence?" Snape asked, quirking one eyebrow.

"My father was always the queer one.."

"Ah. It runs in the family, I see." 

Draco rolled his eyes, cursing himself for using that term. He grabbed the ebony owl by a wing roughly, making it tilt to one side and bite at Draco's arm furiously with it's long pointed beak. He opened the letter, and Snape gave a dramatic GASP.

__

Dear Draco,

It has come to my attention that you are currently in a homoses'youal relationship with the boy who won't die. Namely, Harry Potter. I urge you to let go of that relationship as quickly as possible; I know from past experience. (Draco raised an eyebrow. "So that explains that portrait of father and that strange looking man..") _The Dark Lord will not be pleased, so rid of this homoses'youal relationship today. No, I am mistaken. Right now, run my boy. **Run as if your mother without make up on was behind you.**_

Signed,

Lucius Malfoy

****

Former death eater

Ministry of magic worker

Witch Weekly's Sneer of the Year

Author of "101 Ways to Pronounce Avada Kedavra"

Winner of beach blonde bubs and gals.

Month December in WarlockWickedness's magazine of 

wonderful such

Supporter of Ponytails back into power

Editor in chief of The Malfoy Newspaper

Author of series"How to abuse a house elf "

Hot rock guitarist of the Neanderthals

Winner of Warlock Bone's mystery solver game. 

Draco took out many more pieces of parchment, that stated the achievement of Lucius Malfoy. He rolled his eyes and then threw them in the fire place, picking up the first one. 

Draco stared at the paper, snatching a long black tail feather from the owl. The ebony owl gave a screech and picked at his fingers, drawing blood. Draco ignored it and dipped the tip of the quill into an ink pot. 

He wrote on a piece of pachment.

I AM NOT HOMOSEXUAL.

AND IT'S SPELLED WITH AN 'X', YOU BUB.

He rolled up the parchment and attached it to the owls leg, and Draco watched it fly away into the stormy sky.

"Why, of course you are."

"What?" Draco asked, shooting a strange look at Snape. 

"Of course you're homosexual." Snape said, smoothing his hand across the top of his head. "I've known it for years. Yesterday, I was merely trying to give you what was left of your dignity."

Draco slapped himself hard on the forehead and stormed out of the room.

--

"DRAKEY!" squealed a voice. "DRAKEY, MY LOVE. MY DARLING, MY DRAKEY. You're BACK--What are you wearing."

Draco looked down at his dress type nurse outfit and rolled his eyes.

"Infirmary suit," he said, curling a silver lock of hair around his fingers. He immediately stopped.

"So..are you and Potter doing _it?"_

"NO. I'm not gay. I don't know about Potta' though. He did seem rather eager to help me with my zipper."

"Crabbe and Goyle are sneaking some fire whiskey from the kitchens. Wanna come?" Pansy said quickly, trying to voice the subject. 

Draco sighed and nodded. After changing, Pansy and Draco walked to the kitchen.

And then, he heard whispers.

__

So he's gay, huh? Famous Potter and Draco, I always knew it. Don't tell me you found them together?! SNOGGING?! Holding hands, huh. Hugging, yes? Kissing, really? NAKED?! Their hair was messed up? Mm. Chocolate frogs are so delicious when they squirm in your mouth-- I MEAN. DRACO MALFOY?! A MALFOY?! 

Draco narrowed his eyes and looked around. The voices were coming from everywhere.

"THE VOICES!" Draco yelled, and then broke out into an opera like song. 

A violin played in the background. 

Blaise Zabini rolled her eyes and muttered, "I feel a song coming on.."

__

Sing to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb.

"I'm not gay, no matter what you say.

What you say.

Yes, I don't care!

I'm not a queer, but it's these rumors I fear.

But I'm nooott gaay. 

Just because I wore pink one day.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's only pink, I say! 

That boy who lived will pay for this. 

Yes, he will ppaaayy.

I'm not gay. Yes, I'm not gay. 

AndIwasn'tsnoggingwithhimPatilorBrown,youguysarebothwrongandonedayyouwillallpayforthismwahahaha."

Draco stopped in one breath and looked around, wishing for looks of faces that would agree. Alas, none of the faces came. 

Patil looked shocked, her mouth was gaping open and then she proceeded to whisper into Brown's ear. Brown burst into fits of laughter, pointing outwardly. Blaise rolled her eyes and shook her head sadly. Seamus grinned as Dean hummed the song again and again. Pansy had tears in her eyes. 

"Draco.." she cooed. "My dear, Draco. You're homosexual.."

People began to push across him, mutter such words as _Queer. Homo. Loser. Fudger. _Draco narrowed his eyes as he ran into the next hallway. He could hear them whispering in the hallway behind him. They were completely unaware of his keen hearing senses. Not to mention everything echoed in hallways.

__

This SUCKS. I was gonna do Drakey too. Tut. Draco Malfoy, a bouncing ferret and a disgrace to all men and musicians alike. Chocolate frog cards. Woo-hoo! I'm not gay no matter what you say…HAHAHA. What a queer. Don't hang with him. 

"God, I'm not fu-"

Draco stopped mid-sentence, a voice was coming from somewhere. But it wasn't a sneer or a disgusted tone, it was somehow inviting. 

"Harry, Harry.." cooed a voice. "It's okay. We understand."

"I'M NOT GAY!" cried a voice. There was a crash of something heavy being thrown onto the ground. 

"I DON'T NEED THIS. AFTER WHAT VOLDEMORT DID TO ME…I DON'T NEED ANY MORE TROUBLE. I'M NOT GAY. I'M NOT GAY."

Draco walked into the room, watching MudbloodGranger hug Harry warmly. DeadBeatRon was looking disgruntled ,but not as angry as Pansy had looked before. Or as disgusted as the other students looked.

"Of course you are.." Mudblood whispered, again and again. "Of course you are…I can just tell. That scar on your forehead tells it all."

"BECAUSE I HAVE A SCAR," Harry yelled, picking up pieces of a glass jar he had thrown earlier. "I AM HOMOSEXUAL?! WHAT ABOUT RON. HE HAS A MOLE ON HIS ARM."

"I DO NOT." Ron yelled, looking more disgruntled. "Mum says it's a beauty mark."

"Bet you'd know a lot about beauty, Potter." Sneered a person walking across the classroom.

Draco turned around to watch Colin Creevy, one of Potters used to be fans.

"Potter is in quite the predicament, almost opposite to mine." He thought. "His friends thinks that he's gay, but they don't hate it. My fr-…peers thinks that I'm gay, but they hate it." 

He cleared his throat. _AHEM._

Hermione, Harry and Ron looked up. 

"What do you want, Malfoy."

"I believe we are in the same situation, Potter. So I ask you do not… 'shoo' me away with that look of yours." Draco said. "I say we work together. We must make a plot. I am tired of this nonsense of me being homosexual, when in fact. I am not. You may be. [I'M NOT.] but myself…I most definitely am not."

"First off, Draco. I'm not gay. And second, I don't need your help." 

Hermione and Ron shared looks before turning to Harry and whispering quite frantically. Hermione was making some strange gestures and Ron was looking at her like she was crazy.

"I'm listening," Harry sighed, shooting looks at Ron and Hermione who did not notice. 

"What I plan is.." Draco continued. 

**__**


	4. A Stabbing of Eggs, Skeeter Strikes

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Authors note: I don't own HP. I just like making fan fictions. J Thank you to all my readers, I believe I e-mailed all of you. If anyone wants me to review their story just drop an e-mail or something. With your username, title or link. 

There was a deafening silence as Draco sat back on an overstuffed burgundy chair, crossed his arms smugly and smirked. Draco mentally put a post it note in his brain, that he was a complete genius.

"So, how is setting some one else up going to take the spot light off of Harry?" Granger asked, completely befuddled.

"Stupid mud blood, for someone with top marks, I wonder if you carry your brain in your pocket," Draco rolled his eyes, how idiotic muggle borns are. "Some great new thing will attract the attention of others…"

"I don't get it." Ron said plainly.

Draco tossed a shiny golden coin at Ron. "Weasel, go buy yourself some brains."

Ron happily pocketed the coin in his hand-me-down robes and mentally made a note that he would buy something at Zonko's. at a later time. 

"C'mon Herm, Ron." Harry said, walking towards the door silently. "We'll think about this, Malfoy. And then _maybe _we'll consider the idea. I'm not usually so keen on to going with a bouncing constipated ferret's ideas."

"In other words," Draco said, blinking rapidly. "You have to explain the plan to those idiots?"

Harry nodded grimly, as Ron and Hermione smiled politely. They were really quite stupid, but not so much as his cronies Crabbe and Goyle, so there really wasn't much to say.

--

Draco sat in his prefects room, throwing a stolen snitch up in the air. All day, he had been ridiculed by his peers. They even got a poster of Harry and himself holding hands and close enough to kiss. 

__

"Please," Draco thought silently. "I wouldn't even want to bump into that Potter."

There was a light knock on the door. 

"Will you just give up already, Pansy." He sighed. "I don't want to snog right now."

"Mr. Malfoy," came a drawling voice, slightly muffled, but it was clearly Snape. "Care to open the door?"

Draco walked over to the small door and unlocked it, upon doing so, he turned around and sat back in a chair.

Snape walked through the door in those familiar black, sweeping robes and posed. He rested his hands on his hips, smiled, turned, frowned, scowled, sneered, and then smiled once more. Draco was quite familiar with the routine, Snape would do it every potions class.

__

Professor Snape was Draco's favorite teacher, but sometimes he was just too much.

"There is someone here to see you, Mr. Malfoy."

"Who is it.." Draco asked, still tossing the golden orb in the air. 

"It's is Ms. Skeeter. Ms. **Rochelle **Skeeter."

Draco got up from his seat as Snape motioned him to follow. Outside of the Slytherin Common room, there stood Ms. Skeeter. She looked almost identical to Rita, with horned glasses and pouty, smug looking lips. 

"Mr. Malfoy, nice of you to meet me on short notice," She purred, extending a hand with long, claw like nails. 

"Sure, sure," Draco said, ignoring the hand.

Draco took a seat on a couch and looked up, quirking his ever so infamous eyebrow.

"Do you mind me asking a few questions?" Rochelle asked, combing through her hair with her hand. 

"Fine…Quickly," Draco sighed, he needed to get back to a potions essay that was due 15 point something weeks ago.

Rochelle reached into her snake skin handbag and pulled out some parchment and a familiar looking quill. Instead of it being acid green, it was in fact, shockingly purple. She set the parchment on her lap and rested the quill on top of it. As soon as she spoke, the quill sprang into life and began to write in loopy, curvy, handwriting. 

"How's your 6th year at Hogwarts going?"

"Fine, just fine." Draco said, smoothing a crease in his robes.

"And your professors, are they fine as well?"

"Yes, of course." Draco said impatiently.

"And the Harry Potter fellow," Rochelle said quickly. "How is he doing?"

"He's doing just _fine._" Draco said crossly. "Just fine."

"And I hear from a fellow Slytherin girl that yourself and Mr. Potter are currently in a relationship?"

"NO. Maybe you should go ahead and leave…" Draco practically jumped up from his chair. "I think that's enough questions, don't you?"

"Wait-- Just one more. Does Professor Snape really not wash his hair at night?"

"I wouldn't know," Draco said snidely. "Maybe he does it in the morning.."

Rochelle Skeeter rose from her end of the couch and put her quill away. Draco, turned around and saw her reading over her article, which had something bold and curvy written on top. _Lovers Column._

Groaning, he quickly walked back into his room, praying that Rochelle Skeeter wasn't as bad as Rita herself.

--

The next morning, Draco sat at the Slytherins table in the Great Hall. He was sitting in the far corner again, and even Crabbe And Goyle were a bit afraid that he was going to _come onto to them. _Blaise had practically jumped happily at the idea of Draco being homosexual, since she was a bit crooked herself. He stabbed his fork into a bit of eggs and imagined the faces to be Potter and his friends. _Stab. Stab. Stab._

A great screech was heard as a smug looking owl flew down to Pansy's side.

"Aw, Fluffy. Thanks for the news," Pansy adjusted the ribbon around Fluffy's neck while grabbing the newspaper, which was tangled around on her leg.

After a period of 10 minutes, she pulled it out and let Fluffy to go.

"The Love Column, Ooh. Rochelle is a bloody genius." She whispered, frantically looking for the article on gossip and love.

Draco's eyes widened with a start, as he reached for the paper. The table across from him, he could see Mudblood and TheBoyWhoWon'tDIE reading the same paper, slowly. Sucking in a huge breath, he snatched the paper from Pansy's hands, something that left her squealing about him being a homosexual or other. 

Quickly, he ran to his room, leaving his half eaten breakfast behind.

**__**

THE LOVE COLUMN

By Rochelle Skeeter, cousin of Rita Skeeter, a most famous reporter.

Things are going very smoothly at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In fact, things may be going even more smoothly for two very, handsome young boys. Draco Malfoy, 6th year student and Harry Potter, 6th year student are rumored to being in a romantic, classic relationship. But it seems that a few very ugly things have reared it's head in this interview. 

"Mr. Malfoy, What do you think about Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the defeater of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the golden wonder boy and one with shockingly green eyes?"

"Fine, just fine." Young Malfoy said, a small blush creeping over his face.

"And your professors (Such as Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall), are they fine as well?"

"Yes, of course." Young Malfoy said, blushing even further, he began to twiddle with his robes nervously as if not wanting something to be known.

"_And Harry Potter, I'm sure he is strikingly handsome. Being a homosexual man yourself, what do you think of him?"_

__

"FINE," Yong Malfoy said, smiling, chest swelling with proud. "Just fine."

"_And is it true that you are currently seeing Professor Snape as one of your candidates if your relationship with Mr. Potter dies out? I hear he is quite the mathematical man.." _

__

"NO. Maybe.." Draco said, his eyes filling with painful tears. He gave a weak smile, changing the subject. But his trembling hands were seen to the most plain eyes. "I think that's enough questions, don't you?"

__

"One last question, if you please. Mr. Malfoy. Is it true that you wash Professor Snape's hair in your quarters?" 

__

Draco's eyes slid into a small, sad position. "Does it in the morning.."

It seems that Hogwarts' student's love lives are running down a bumpy road. Good luck to Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy and Professor Snape. Since all male, I trust that you will not produce any young.

Below the article was a picture of Harry and Draco, holding hands and sipping bubbling champagne. Hearts were floating out of their eyes, and the familiar shadow of Snape was lurking in the background. Draco wondered how they got that picture when it never even happened, or better yet.._Who made it. _

Draco's eyes glazed over as he crumpled up the paper.

There was a sharp rap on the door. 

"OPEN UP, MALFOY. WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE." 


	5. Important: Authors Note

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Authors note: I don't know if I should continue this story, the plot is lagging and is getting more and more boring by the chapters. I might start a new one, if you have any suggestions on a story topic… [Involving Draco, humor..] 

PLEASE E-MAIL ME.

I will credit the ideas to you, I'm just having a bit of writers block. I usually wait for it to past, but on such an occasion as this, I have to write. Or else I will die a very painful death.


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